Okay, this has been asked for quite a few times, so here it is. The first video of me on the ukulele.
This is me playing George Harrison's phenomenal Something:
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Okay, this has been asked for quite a few times, so here it is. The first video of me on the ukulele.
This is me playing George Harrison's phenomenal Something:
I can't say I've ever noticed this before, but it seems that the older I get the more I look like Jesus!
Yes, this is a poor excuse for a post, but it's gotta be better than nothing. Right?
I've not been around for a while, as I've been busy with work, hypnosis and family. On top of that, my eye is playing up again, but nowhere near as much as before. (Frustratingly, I felt like I was just getting back into the blogging swing as well.) I'll be back as soon as I can.
In the meantime, at least you now get to gaze upon my image!
"A Faith Healer healed my Nanna of Restless Leg Syndrome, right before she died of Cancer."
Funny because it's true?
As requested, more of Erin...
I say, "Niiice", in the video, but obviously what I mean is, "Gross!"
Here's my gorgeous daughter entertaining us with a fit of the hiccups!
Erin is a Celtic name, originally derived from the Gaelic name "Eireann". So we've chosen it partly to reflect my Welsh heritage.
Depending on the root that you choose, it means 'Peace' (Old Norse) or 'Ireland' (Welsh). Think 'Eire' or "eirenic". If you're wondering about the strange variation of possible meanings, allow me to geek-out for a moment:
Erin derives from a name for Ireland, which alludes to an ancient goddess whose name was Eriu. (Eriu was one of the three queens of the Tuatha De Danann and daughter of the Dagda.) It originally meant 'Peace', but following its usage as a romantic name for the Gaelic country, in some Celtic cultures it simply came to be a reference to the country.
I find it really difficult to explain that succinctly! Here's my last attempt and after this I'm just gonna say, "It means Peace!" Imagine that in satirical poems of the early 21st Century, people had begun to refer to England as "Thatcher". Over time, this would stick and people might suggest that Thatcher means England. Of course, we know that Thatcher refers to someone who thatches things (or to an evil monster who possessed British politics and culture), but the common allusion sticks and people are left feeling confused about what that actual meaning is. And that's the point! So, like I said, it means Peace!
Man, this was just meant to be a quick post to show a cute video of Erin with hiccups!
(I'm tempted to limit this to sitcoms, but I know that some folks consider them as unappealing as sketch shows are to me.)
My brother and I - who possess enough geeky arrogance to consider ourselves students of comedy - were talking recently about the famine of good comedy on British TV. BBC 3 is easily our best channel for comedy and that's with its constant repeats of 2 Pints of Lager and Packet of Crisps! There is actually a huge and overwhelming flood of crap comedy out there and I can't figure out why. Surely there are enough good comedy writers to fill the gaps?
Anyway, I got to wondering what you favourite comedy on TV is. It has to be a programme that is currently on, even if it's recent repeats. However, any comments that vote for 2 Pints will be deleted!
My vote? Curb your Enthusiasm. No competition, whatsoever! Other indulgences would be The Mighty Boosh, Gavin & Stacey, Peep Show, Family Guy, The Daily Show and (of course!) The Simpsons.
Mark, probably out of some sadistic impulse, tagged me in a meme that is going around.
Apparently, the idea is to grab the nearest book and turn to page 123. You then find the 5th sentance and post the next 3 sentances. So, are you sure you want me to do this? Here goes then:
An' it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, an' it's a hard,
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
The cumulative effect of these images, an effect which is reinforced by the repeated rhythmic figure of the guitar accompaniment, is a little short of overwhelming. We are besieged with images of dead and dying life, a kind of dynamic stasis, a perfect figurative medium for the vision at the brink. (Song & Dance Man 3: The Art of Bob Dylan)
It was a little tricky, because the lyrics in the song don't have a lot of punctuation, so choosing what counts as a sentance isn't automatic. However, I think I've met the conditions of the meme.
So, I'm now meant to tag five people to likewise be tortured. I don't like to do this folks - as anyone who's read my blog for a while knows. (Why then did Mark pick me? Good bloody question!) However, I've gone along with it so far, so it would seem a bit churlish not to complete the task: Jonas, Jason, Fireball, Andrew, Kimbrah. Sorry, guys!
From the 'Fruit-cake' files:
I got to tell you this quickly, just before we go. I had a word of prophecy from Ruth Heflin. You know who Ruth Heflin is? Ruth prophesied over me back in the '70s and everything she said has happened. She's just sent me a word through my wife and said, the Lord spoke to her audibly and said that He is going to appear physically in one of our crusades in the next few months. Yeah. She - I'm telling you! - she said, the Lord spoke to her audibly and said "Tell Benny I'm going to appear physically on the platform in his meeting."
-- Benny Hinn, is Your Day, March 29, 2000
I'm sorry. This blog seems to have lost even more direction than usual.
However, I couldn't not post this:
Be warned, you might find a couple of bits offensive, if you've got nothing better to do.
Normally at this time of year, I post two posts on related topics. On October 31st, I have developed the habit of challenging the honoured reputation of the Reformers, by speaking of their horrific acts of evil in the name of God. Then, on November 1st, I have tried to honour those heroes in my own tradition, by telling the stories on some anabaptist martyrs (often killed at the hands of those I've spoken about on October 31st).
Well, this year I am breaking with tradition, partly in the interests of not being so heavy, partly due to time-restraints and partly 'cos I wanna. Instead, in honouor of the fact that I've now mastered a lovely little arrangement of 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' on the ukulele, I thought I'd charm you all with a story about the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Astronomer Royal conversing together on the Flying Scotsman to Edinburgh in the 19th Century:Read more...
The Mad Priest recently slandered my reputation by inducting me into the HEROES OF THE BLOGOSPHERE HALL OF FAME. Please avoid the temptation to play Guilt-by-association.
I've no idea what I've done to deserve such an attack, but I wanted to assure my readers that I am not a bad man. The Mad Priest, on the other hand, most certainly is. I guess that's Anglicans for you!
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation, we'd all run around in a dark room munching pills and listening to repetitive music.
5. Assume the dumbest interpretation. For example, if someone says that he can run a mile in 12 minutes, assume he means it happens underwater and argue that no one can hold his breath that long. 6. Hallucinate entirely different points. For example, if someone says apples grow on trees, accuse him of saying snakes have arms and then point out how stupid that is.Add to that, my own number 8: Argue a minor detail of the post (if possible, grammar or spelling) so that you can win a point and assume that the whole post is therefore nonsense.
This powerpoint slide appeared on the screen at [the evening congregation of North Rocks Uniting]. The idea was good... put a dictionary definition of the word 'worship' on the screen... with a fuzzy torn out dictionary page in the background for effect.
Bradon was on tech duty and was sitting there listening to the sermon looking at the screen thinking to himself, "I wonder what the words in the background say? Wouldn't it be funny if...". He didn't have to read very much to find this one.
You can almost guess the rest, can't you? Why is it that things like this are so predictable in retrospect?
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister walk into a Bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?!"
Sorry, I'm just too knackered to write anything of any worth, so you get this instead. If you're easily offended, forgive me.
"The other day I went to the local religious book store where I saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car. I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord, because pretty soon he leaned out of his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game, with him shouting, "Go, Jesus Christ, go!!!". Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled at all those loving people.
There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and I saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I recently asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled, and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed, and I stepped on the gas. It's a good thing I did, because I was the only car to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned out the window, gave them a big smile, and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful people!!"
I actually know people like that! Gawd bless 'em.
Taken from The funniest T-Shirts on the internet.
I thought this was hilarious:
Of all the email circulars I've received this has to be my favorite:
'I hate those hoax warnings, but this one is important!! Please send this to everyone on your e-mail list. If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your arse, do not show him your arse. This is a scam; he only wants to see your arse. I wish I'd got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap.'
It seems that some families in Crawford, Texas are boycotting Girl Scout cookies, and pulling their daughters out of Girl Scouts and Brownies, merely because the local Girl Scout organization gave a "woman of distinction award" to an executive at Planned Parenthood last year, and because the Girl Scout organization endorses Planned Parenthood sex ed courses, which give out literature about safe sex and condoms.
Tell me it isn't so.
Is it just that we like something to whinge about? We like a cause, a protest, something we can blow out of all proportion. I mean, for goodness sake, COOKIES?!
Wake up, people, those cookies are all about sex! Thin Mints? Animal Treasures? Caramel Delites? Do-Si-Dos?
And there was me thinking this was just the usual Christian pettiness! Phew, how wrong was I? Looks like the great end-times deception is finally upon us...
When I was a member of that race known as "youths" I was told by a Christian Youth-leader* that sarcasm was inappropriate for Christians. I was so impressed by this that I look in my Bible and was astounded to find refernce after reference condemning the mortal sin of sarcasm. I was also absolutely delighted to find that on no single occasion did God Himself ever engage in anything resembling sarcasm; especailly not in Job or Isaiah!
Oh, no wait, that's wrong. What's the freakin' problem here?! Why do we assume that straight-talk and boring humour-less speech is more "appropriate" for God's people? No wonder we have such a hard time with the figures of speech and poetry in the Bible! Language is a beautiful thing and - when it is used at its highest levels - is far from wooden or flat.
Take a second look through the scriptures and you'll find:
And that's alright and that's all good!
So why do Christians have such a hard time with Satire and irony? I don't know.
Did anyone see the film, Big Fish? Watcha think?
*That's 'a leader of youth' not 'a youth who is a leader' which would obvisouly be a ridiculous idea!
So, in preparation for your trip to see The Passion, you might want to learn these lines:
B-kheeruut re'yaaneyh laa kaaley tsuuraathaa khteepaathaa, ellaa Zaynaa Mqatlaanaa Trayaanaa laytaw!
It may be uncompromising in its liberal use of graphic violence, but Lethal Weapon II it ain't.
Da'ek teleyfoon methta'naanaak, pquud. Guudaapaw!
Please turn off your mobile phone. It is blasphemous.
Aykaa beyt tadkeetha? Zaadeq lee d-asheeg eeday men perdey devshaanaayey haaleyn!
Where is the loo? I need to wash my hands of this popcorn.
Een, Yuudaayaa naa, ellaa b-haw yawmaa laa hweeth ba-mdeetaa.
Yes, I'm Jewish, but I wasn't there that day.
Demketh! Udamaa lemath mtaynan b-tash'eetha d-khashey?
I fell asleep! What station of the cross are we up to?
Ma'hed lee qalleel d-Khayey d-Breeyaan, ellaa dlaa gukhkaa.
It sort of reminds me of Life of Brian, but it's nowhere near as funny.
Ktaabaa taab hwaa meneyh.
It's not as good as the book.
Aamar naa laak dlaa yaada' naa haw gavraa. B-aynaa feelmaa hwaa?
I tell you I do not know the man. What's he been in?
D-tetbuun deyn men yameen u-men semaal, la hwaat deel l-metal, ellaa l-ayleyn da-mtaybaa.
To sit at my right or my left is not for me to grant; it is for those to whom it has already been assigned.
Saggee shapeer! Laa tsaabey naa d-esakkey l-mapaqtaa trayaanaaytaa.
Brilliant! I can't wait for the sequel (second coming).
Ayleyn enuun Oorqey?
Which ones are the Orcs?
Laa baakey naa-eeth gelaa b-'ayna deel.
I'm not crying; I've just got a mote in my eye.
Peletaa kuullaah da-Qraabay Kawkbey.
It's all an allegory of Star Wars.
like the Brits.
HIT British sitcom The Office beat off tough competition to become the surprise winner of two Golden Globe awards at a glittering Hollywood ceremony.
The spoof documentary about a Slough paper mill triumphed over big hitters such as Sex And The City and Will And Grace to win Best Comedy TV series.
[Creator Ricky Gervais also beat Friends star Matt LeBlanc to take the best comedy actor gong.]
It was the first time a British comedy series has won at the awards.
Gervais, who plays cringe-worthy boss David Brent, told the assembled stars: "They told me to thank people, and I said we're not going to win anyway."
Grinning sheepishly, he said: "I'm not from these parts, I'm from a little place called England. We used to run the world before you."
Gervais was joined on stage at the Beverly Hilton Hotel by Lucy Davis, who plays receptionist Dawn, Martin Freeman, who plays Tim, and producer Ash Attalla.
Gervais said: "Obviously we didn't expect this," only to be interrupted by Attalla, who said "Yes, we did!"
Gervais looked towards Attalla, who is in a wheelchair, and said with mock praise: "Look at that little guy this is for him."
I'll be posting rarely between now and January 5th, but I'm sure you'll all get by just fine! If you get too many pangs whilst you're waiting, you can always check out the alternative blogs in the right-hand column.
Did anyone see the last two episodes of The Office over Christmas? I thought they were so cool. After the first one I was a bit disappointed, but the final one kinda redeemed them both. The highlights for me were Tim and Dawn finally getting together (obviously!) and David telling Chris Finch to "F*** off!"
Whilst we're takling funny, I thought that these spoof Christmas songs were great.
There's a programme on tonight about the Bible Code! I can't believe that thing is still around! There's a guy in our community who believes it and it just drives me potty!
This is what I love: On June 9th, 1997, Michael Drosnin (a former journalist) said to Newsweek:
When my critics find a message about the assassination of a prime minister encrypted in Moby Dick, I'll believe them.
So - you're gonna love this! - check out this page that contains predictions of the assasinations of Prime Minister Indira Gandhi, President Rene Moawad, Soviet exile Leon Trotsky, the Reverend Martin Luther King, Chancellor Engelbert Dollfuss, the assassin Sirhan Sirhan, John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, Yitzhak Rabin and Princess Diana's death.
But there's more, and this is where it gets serious. Michael Drosnin's assassination has been found within the text of Moby Dick! O, How could I have been so blind?! The great Whale is our oracle. He is none other than the mouth-piece of the gods!
I'm in a slightly sarcastic mood today.
This was recently sent my way via The Bruderhof:
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff.
If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups, take your wife out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
To be honest, it's not really my kind of humour, but this just cracked me up! Please don't view if you are easily offended or have a problem with "touching the Lord's annointed." (Now there's a verse out of context, but, hey - that's another post!)